I didn’t think it was possible – for love to continue to grow after someone has left the planet – but I realize it’s not only possible, it’s happened for me.
Two days ago was the 21st anniversary of my father’s passing. For some reason when I woke on this day I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness. I allowed myself to feel the pain and the tears to flow. I felt a heaviness in my heart that was greater than I had felt in many years. And as I have done in the past when I felt feelings of loss and grief around my dad, I moved my thoughts to happy times with him.
I moved through the memories of him teaching me to ride a bike and the long road trips we took as kids with him and mom singing oldies from the front seat. I remember that he and mom brought us all sombreros from Mexico and t-shirts from other trips they took. I saw him grilling steaks and hot dogs on the barbeque with a cigarette hanging from his mouth and sweat dripping from his nose. Back then, I wondered how sweat could drip from the tip of his nose, and now this happens to me.
Over the years he had a knack for making us all laugh and smile.
There were times that the seven of us would be sitting at the dinner table and he would let out a big long fart, and whip around startled as if the noise was coming from the kitchen cabinet. It never got old. Or other times that he would simply start laughing, chuckling quietly at first, and then continuing to a loud uproar of a laugh until all of us at the table were laughing for no reason at all. And we all felt more connected, happier, and lighter because of him. He had a way to make happy times out of nothing at all.
And he always led with love.
He had a big, quick smile that he shared with everyone. At his funeral, countless people told me how special he made them feel, that he truly listened to them, and that they knew him as a happy guy. Even when he was upset or disappointed, I could still feel the love, because he had a way of communicating that embodied not only his heart space, but mine too. And I know he did this with everyone because I saw it in action over and over again.
And he loved hugs! When I close my eyes I can feel his big, warm embrace guiding and protecting me, encouraging and loving me. Even now. One of his favorite sayings was…
Hugs are good.
So, what I have learned over these 21 years is that physical presence isn’t necessary for love to continue to grow. It is our Spirit essence that is our connection and our physical lives simply make real and enhance the experience.
True love is forever and these bonds continue infinitum.
And so, after allowing myself the sadness and allowing myself the beauty, I move forward with an even greater love for my father. I know he’s still with me, guiding and teaching me, loving and encouraging me – and when I listen close enough, I can still hear the laughter…and the farting.
Wishing you forever love,
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