Timeframe for Grief

GratitudeIs it even possible for things to get ‘back to normal’ after someone you love passes? I don’t think so. I have found that with the passing of a loved one, a friend, and even an acquaintance, there is no going back to the way things were when they were still here with us. There’s nothing normal about life anymore – even things as simple as eating their favorite foods, going to the mall, a meeting, or a gathering  where we’re surrounded by others, and certainly communicating with people take on a whole new perspective and meaning.

When my father passed more than 20 years ago, it shook up the lives of our whole family, the community of friends my parents had created, and everyone who was involved with our business. To this day, I still wonder what life would have been like for us had he not passed at the tender age of 52.

There’s simply no way to know.

And guessing about or dwelling on this can make a person a little bit crazy.

Of course, life does go on. And so does death. In the past year, many people I have been close to over the years have left this earthly plane. Most recently, with the passing of my beautiful nephew Sean, I am reminded that life is uncertain, and that we are guaranteed nothing in terms of time in these physical bodies. We only have today, and there’s no ‘back to normal’ at all. Instead…

There’s a Whole New Normal

What’s a ‘new normal’? It’s whatever we’re living right now. And it’s totally our call. It’s an individual choice, and it’s not a one-time thing. It’s a moment-by-moment decision. We can keep on doing what we’re doing and trying to live how we’ve always lived in spite of the void or we can make some changes.

In my experience, most people balance between the two – trying to maintain some kind of ‘normal life’ and wondering what that really looks like.

There’s No Right or Wrong Answer.

Everyone is different. We must honor ourselves as we go through the grieving process. We must feel our way through and find what works for us. And mostly we must create for ourselves a ‘new normal’ that has at least some semblance of truly living.

As for me, I find that I am in a heightened state of awareness and I am allowing myself room to explore options that I have previously considered off-limits or ‘crazy-thinking’. I recognize the preciousness of life and want to live it fully – whatever that means in the moment I’m in.

Now is the Time for Allowing.

I wish for anyone who is grieving that you allow yourself these same freedoms. Be gentle with yourself and those you love. Remind yourself that life is a gift and a mystery, and that you get to choose what you do and how you feel in each moment. Hug your family, your partner, and your friends – and hug your co-workers too.

Life has brought us together on this planet for a Divine reason. Let’s lovingly embrace our physical co-existence for as long as we have it – and our Spirit connection forever.

I invite you to share in the lessons I’ve learned over the years by reading my new book, Powerful Intention Everyday gratitude Book II. It is a daily guide for living with intention and gratitude. Visit my website for details: www.SueUrda.com Enjoy!

Namaste`, Blessings, and Peace

~ Sue

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  1. Mary Jane Hurley Brant

    Dear Sue,

    I am so sorry to read about your nephew, Sean. How devastating for your sibling and your whole family.

    Life is fragile and we are vulnerable to its fragility. Yes, hug everyone. Send them notes, emails, texts. Share your feelings for that is the way we really connect with the heart.

    Peace and prayers and many hugs, too,

  2. Sue Urda

    Dear MJ,
    Thank you for your note. Yes, it is devastating, and we’re all loving our way through it together. I know that healing will come, and in the meantime we have each other.

    Love and hugs back,

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